Becoming

Where do I begin

when there is no beginning?

To where do I turn when nothing surrounds me?

What does one say when words evade 

and actions speak but nobody understands

the gestures that say so much more 

than words ever could?

How do I stay sane 

when crazy thoughts come knocking 

at my door?

Voices of insanity

of incoherence echoing through

the empty halls of my mind.

Nobody is home.

Nobody abides here

Do you understand ? 

This body 

is merely a vessel,

an island on which to rest 

my spirit wings

after tiresome flights through

sea and sky and

time and space.

Out here 

there is no beginning

and no ending,

merely questions with no answers

- perpetual dreaming -

hovering between reality

and unreality,

unreality and surreality,

oblivious as to which is which.

My life is like an acid trip.

Both the peaking and the coming down,

where nothing is sure

and nothing is fixed

- undefinite and indefinite -

everything moving and

wavering and floating

( like clouds )

intangible and untouchable.

Clarity evades me,

slipping from my fingers

to form puddles at my feet,

dissipated clouds or

sanity liquidized

- call it what you will -

I see my reflection in them,

these puddles.

This is Me.

This wavering figure

that has no form nor face,

multifaceted like a diamond,

struggling to find

my true self

my true face

my real Me.

Is this normal?

Does everybody float 

like this - fly like this,

fall like this?

Did somebody drug me as a child 

or am I merely undergoing 

some seemingly endless 

metamorphosis?

Tao te Ching,

philosopher,

said that nothing is,

that everything is becoming..

Is this what is happening to me?

Am I merely 'becoming'?

What am I becoming then!?

How will I know,

when will I know,

will I know at all when I have become 

whatever it is 

that I am becoming?

Will there be a time of peace 

where I am happy with what 

I have Become?


And then what?
Does the cycle of becoming
continue on and on?