Delusions of a Goldfish

Liquid blue

..thunder purrs

across the sunkissed surf

as the wave breaks,

a million drops sprayed and scattered out

to merge with the liquid blue..

3 million miles

3 million miles to paradise

one step at a time

depends on the length of the stride I guess,

and the flick of a gambling dime

gods’ they throw the dice

and people play their part

snakes and ladders playground
its a matter of the heart

born into a game
we are as goldfish in a bowl
the bowl is an illusion and
and the goldfish is the soul

3 million miles to paradise

in the blink of a sleepy eye
wake up wake up wake up
to the light of heavens sky

I can feel it in my fingers,

in the toes of my feet

like a tingle - electric -

pins and needles without

the numb feeling...

Some strange and excitable

beautiful thing rising up

in me to meet with its own

- God reaching for God -

throughout me is a shaking

as my soul shifts restlessly

and I become clumsy,

ill prepared for

the wave that overcomes

my body and being,

a power so much greater

than my understanding thereof

and I fall to my knees,

whisper feverish prayers

to my God. My God!

Already here

So many days gone past

- its taken me by storm

to find the calm finally here.

No sign of the raging currents

or unclear skies

there is blue and it surrounds me,

quietly finds me spinning circles

unaware that time's passed.

Still praying for miracles

but when I look around

I see the miracles are here,

right under my nose,

already here.

Unbind

A chance to unwind

to unbind the ropes

entangling me

strangling me

a chance to be free

of the limits

I've set for myself

to emerge from myself

and be Me

Knock Knock

Knock knock

Someone at the door.

I cannot come to you,

I am stuck between the walls.

You cannot hear me,

cannot know where I'm at

within these walls of quiet,

these halls of my mind...

They spin around me

this way and that,

I cannot seem to get away

from where I'm at.

Someone at the door,

knocking again.

I want to answer, but

I cannot find the way to the door,

lost here in the halls of my mind.

I find the door and then

cannot find the key

and woe, woe, woe is me

Each time I find myself

where I was before,

sleep walking, then awake,

then asleep... wake up!!

(so easy to slip into regression,

vacant thoughts)

Wake Up!!

Times moving

and I am not,

this body's getting older.

Wake up before you lose

the battle to bones,

stop climbing into boxes

(coffins) - stop building walls

then climbing over them

- break them down! -

Break them down or look through

them, like glass made of air,

walk on through to the other side

and answer the door!

Its you there

knocking at the door

Take a breath of that air that

wafts in through the open door and

say hello, welcome!

Pull yourself toward yourself

and come home,

invite yourself in and have a seat,

catch up - you've been away

for awhile now

Come home come home

come home

to Yourself.

Impassive Moon

To whose song do you

belong, impassive Moon?

for whose tune do you long

to whose number

do you dance

in which light are you

enhanced, dear Moon

do you wander across

the dunes of sky so blue,

do you race across that place

on high, chase the wind,

fall or fly,

where which way

do you leave at sunrise

or do you stay

to praise the day

do you sing, play,

do you do anything

to join the picture

or is yours a lonely tune

oh moon, impassive Moon

Ingrid

I feel no sadness

at your passing

the birds are singing

and the sound of wind

moves lightly across my ears

I am not sad

at your voluntary leaving

No tears come to me,

no wonderings of why

Merely an acceptance

of your choice,

of what is and

what has become

another cloud in the sky.

(on the suicide of a friend)

Cant quite capture it

- the whole of it -

not a word not a sentence

that could express

all of it

its feeling and believing

in unspoken ways

clear skies of cloud
and cloudy skies of clarity

understanding amidst chaos

a match burning in the dark

i cannot quite explain

its all feeling and believing

in the spaces between

in what cannot be seen

can merely be felt

be known be understood

no questions asked

no answers required

slow experience and
wisdom acquired

Home

Any place, anywhere

it doesn't matter

take me there

from where i wonder

in between

spaces on the fringe of dream

I cannot remain here,

move must move

before i am removed

- apart from it

and not a part of it -

driving myself quite mad

must look for peace

instead of pieces of what remains

of me - an island adrift

I must come home, must come Home.

Awaken

Some

beautiful sleeping thing

quietly awakens

demands a voice

cries out from that

deep, deep place within

for release,

for atonement,

- expression -

of itself

of yourself.

Reconciliation one with the other

- self to self -

itself to its own

I feel it moving,

- my life Source -

like a snake

through wet grass

moonkissed

and

sunbathed

and

brave of heart

I will shed this skin without fear

Some greater love

At the cost, maybe,

of my personal quiet,

I must pursue the longing

to become one

with some greater thing

some greater love

than that which I known thus far

A love until now

only sensed to be real

maybe, even, this may

bring me that personal quiet

Little voices

Whispers

little voices

faraway

up close and breathing

in my ears

on my face

incoherent little whispers

I can scarcely hear

cannot comprehend

what the hell is going

on here ...

Trance people Dance

Come on people

feel the groove

everybody has to move

sweat is dripping

feet are slipping

hands are waving

through the air

and all are slaving

free of care

to the music

to the beat

- madness -

dancing in the heat

- ecstasy - like fire

in the blood

wont let you tire

You will dance

until you drop

because the music

shall not

stop !

There is Here

Running madly

arms flayed

hair standing out at ends

breath quickening

- I am almost There !

Here.

Chasing myself around

and over the ends of the Earth

that rise up to meet me

like a hungry wave

and I stand here

thirsty as a dry desert of sand.

Breathing heavily

I pause

look around

- a feeling of Arrival -

There.

Where I am is where I was.

Turning circles in my Mind

I take a sip

from the cup

of Life

and let a few drops spill over onto

the sands of Time.

Where I was is where I am.

Only More.

Here is There.

but More.

I am them all

I am

a butterfly

learning to fly

a bird

learning to soar

a fish

learning to swim

a baby

learning to crawl

I am them all

Breaking the boundaries

Wanted to fly

once,

weightless on high winds

of disillusion

self illusion

Somewhere

inside of myself

I found the boundaries

of what was possible

and impossible

I realized them to be

made by me

and thus broke them

down

And flew.

Dead Rose

You lie there

oblivious to the unhallowed night

that touches you,

the shadows across your skin

like bruises from a callous hand

Colours fading,

your dying beauty

lures the wind

to brush the petals from your face,

swirls the leaves around

your space as you lie,

so quiet,

offering no response,

breathing no quickened breath to

the pursuasion of seduction

Your nonchalance

drives the breeze to frenzy,

the fury of a spurned lover

tears you apart,

petal by petal,

leaf by leaf,

until you are no more,

just a dead rose spent on the

shores of unrequited love.

Suicide

You sit down

at the window

rehearsing your goodbyes

looking at the streetscape

with a sadness in your eyes

You're going over

everything you feel

you aught to say

and moving through

the motions that you feel

you need to play

Mental preparation

for the script in which

your role

sacrifices everything

- your heart and mind

and soul

But this is it

- decision made -

No further need to

be afraid

This is the last that

you shall cry

before Death teaches you

to Fly.

Love song Anon

Going places

we used to go

and seeing faces

we used to know

doing things we used to do

- alone and lonely

without you

Dreaming dreams

in silence

of the unintended violence

of the reconciliations

we attempted at in vain

and all the nights

we spent apart

each with

our own destructive pain

Yet in solitude

my thoughts aren't of

the promises you've broken

or the pain

you have inflicted

by the words that you

have spoken

For in spite of

all the pain

I'd maybe do it all again

each lonely moment

I went through

was just the price

of being with you

So yeah,

I do give in

allow the moon to touch

my skin

and let the dream

of making love to you

in quietness begin.

Let me

Let me take you

by the hand

and lead you through

a lonely land

a place

not as it seems

merely a shadow

in your dreams

Lonely

Sometimes things happen

that you just don't understand

leaving you frustrated

and scared and

spinning in circles,

oblivious as to where you're going

or where you should be..

and that missing thing

in your life just keeps

evading you and

you wonder if loneliness

is your curse -

so tired and

despondent and confused,

longing for love

but love evades and

loneliness is there to hold

you instead.

Puting up with You

So tired of living

as I do

Putting up with misery

by putting up with You

Becoming

Where do I begin

when there is no beginning?

To where do I turn when nothing surrounds me?

What does one say when words evade

and actions speak but nobody understands

the gestures that say so much more

than words ever could?

How do I stay sane

when crazy thoughts come knocking

at my door?

Voices of insanity

of incoherence echoing through

the empty halls of my mind.

Nobody is home.

Nobody abides here

Do you understand ?

This body

is merely a vessel,

an island on which to rest

my spirit wings

after tiresome flights through

sea and sky and

time and space.

Out here

there is no beginning

and no ending,

merely questions with no answers

- perpetual dreaming -

hovering between reality

and unreality,

unreality and surreality,

oblivious as to which is which.

My life is like an acid trip.

Both the peaking and the coming down,

where nothing is sure

and nothing is fixed

- undefinite and indefinite -

everything moving and

wavering and floating

( like clouds )

intangible and untouchable.

Clarity evades me,

slipping from my fingers

to form puddles at my feet,

dissipated clouds or

sanity liquidized

- call it what you will -

I see my reflection in them,

these puddles.

This is Me.

This wavering figure

that has no form nor face,

multifaceted like a diamond,

struggling to find

my true self

my true face

my real Me.

Is this normal?

Does everybody float

like this - fly like this,

fall like this?

Did somebody drug me as a child

or am I merely undergoing

some seemingly endless

metamorphosis?

Tao te Ching,

philosopher,

said that nothing is,

that everything is becoming..

Is this what is happening to me?

Am I merely 'becoming'?

What am I becoming then!?

How will I know,

when will I know,

will I know at all when I have become

whatever it is

that I am becoming?

Will there be a time of peace

where I am happy with what

I have Become?

And then what?
Does the cycle of becoming
continue on and on?

Bars of glass

Outside

the day drifts by

Every now and then

I look up from my work

and see the changes in the sky

and I pause,

- quiet -

feeling distanced from the riot

of the highway and its people,

another day goes by me

I've become another sheeple.

Sitting at my desk

instead of

laughing with my friends,

and before I can appreciate the day

it quietly ends.

Rather,

I stoop and stare through windows

(bars of glass)

My hair untouched by wind,

my skin untouched by sun

- for me the day has ended

even before it has begun -

I stop my childish dreaming

place my feet firm on the ground

and force upon myself

that money

makes this world go round.

For we are actors on life's stage

may not be brave may not be bold,

we must perform to earn our wage,

and we must act as we are told,

must sacrifice it all

and be content within

our cage.

Lonely traveller

reaches

for an iridescent moon

pale hands dancing

to some

tantalizing tune

Untouchable

God he's untouchable

(like fire -

wavering, terrifying)

I wonder around

lost in his head

and until he finds me

he will never know me

too blind to see me

just another nobody.

Air's face

Air's face contorts,

cloud wrinkles etched across

her cheeks as

precedence to rain

which, when it falls,

will do so as tears

-falling from her face

to mine -

our sorrow shared.

Tired and uninspired

I'm feeling tired

and uninspired

not really interested

at all

I stamp my feet

against the ground

and beat my fists

against the wall

Word patterns

Emotions

tracing word patterns across the page,

every part of me laid bare

before my eyes

staring boldly out at me

shouting "face me!"

I can't run from these notions

that I have scribbled down

on scraps of paper,

can't hide from the truths

that I have exposed to myself,

to the world.

Hard to speak them,

mostly comfortable when silence speaks

for itself

and gestures, eyes,

say it all.

Reading the line or between the line,

each adds their own innuendo

to the written word,

whereas the voice has a tone of its own

and can be misinterpreted

too easily.

Each to their own,

adding personal spice

to the story told,

like reading a book rather than watching the movie.

True Me

This face is a collection of faces

moulded from the genic pool of

ancestral inheritance

It is not my face

It is their face this physical face

I give to this face

the light in these eyes

the lines or lack of lines earned

through grimace, laughter and tears

crevices shaped by years of

being Me

a notion of Me

It was never really Me

Living has been a lie

up until Now

It was never really Me

I find the mask dropping

slipping away

like clouds dissapating

revealing a blue sky and

a radiant sun

and that splendid light is Me

the real me

Stepping out of the world
and into my own Self.

One must fly

Angels hover close by,

wings towering on high tides of sky

as they carry me over

and beyond my physical self

The sea breaks across the shores

of my mind, dawn at last,

Sun climbing the expanse of sky as

the winds change course

- And one must fly -

Exchanging glances with myself

I chance a glimpse behind

- see some things

touch lightly

upon an unsightly darkness

Move bravely toward the light

- leave the shadows behind

with a sense of compassion

of overwhelming passion

at the notion of it all,

the goodness and the not so
goodness of it all

And I am set lightly down

at the heart of a cloud at the centre

of the universe

and there, in solitude, I say my prayer

And it is good

to know God

the God that is everything, everyone

and in all of that am I

I am that, I am

To take responsibility

for that which I am

and that which I do

and that which I say

To be Godlike

is the potential of humankind

and I pray,

pray for the awakening of the human being

so that s/he may be true to their higher self

the Overself

To create together this universe

to understand suffering and to transform

it into gold, the true nature of Alchemy.

To accept that pain is merely a path

to self awareness is to

to know the ultimate goodness of Godness.

Trans Soul Migration

We've come a long way..

changing, subtly, day to day.

Seeking answers

to our questions

and then questioning the answers.

Sometimes falling, sometimes flying,

always hoping, always trying ..

Merely waiting for that moment,

for that brief eclipse in time,

when we are strong enough to leave behind

the ladder that we climb ..

When we can tear apart the bars

and turn our faces to the stars,

nothing more for which to strive ..

- merely in love with being alive -

Restless

City smoke curls

catlike

around my ankles,

hungry and

restless,

ceasing movement only

when the wind

dies down.

As the darkness

takes assiduous reign

over once-was-day,

the smoke reaches

tentative fingers

into the deepening shadows

as though searching

for a haven of quiet,

where it may sleep

as the city sleeps.

But the wind

is restless tonight,

puppetmaster

on whose string

the smoke is forced to dance

its lonely dance.

Feeling Free

Drifting

Clouds swirl

below and above me

Stars collide and dissipate

at my feet

Worlds continue to circle

their lonely orbits

and I am lost

suspended somewhere in between

- Contented -

a Universe

surrounds me and I

feel Free

free to be Me

above and beyond
-the rainbow that I am-
- this creation I have become -

This mind this body and
how I - we - deal
with the day to day
of going through the motions of being

The need to stand high
far beyond myself
to excel
to be the utmost best
that I can be.

Caterpiller forever?

Somewhere in between

- neither here nor there -

What am I doing Here?

the Ultimate Question:

to Be or not to Be

And so here I am - Being.

The next Question:

What to Be?

I feel sad at times, so very sad.

Alone like all others Here,

on this plane at this moment of Now.

And I feel glad at times,

so very glad.

at One with everyone here

and all that lies Beyond.

Again I ask,

What am I doing Here?

Will this caterpillar ever become a butterfly?

Such a short lifespan.

and then Rebirth.

What comes next
in the cycle?
Will I continue to forget
each time around?

Frustration!

Where is the whole of me
that remembers it All?
Will I ever be her
and will she ever be Me?

Cannot hide

I am a warrior of peace

my heart resides

within this place

I am an angel in disguise

and God resides behind this face

We cannot hide

cannot run away

we will be hunted

- the day shall come to pass

when we will be

crushed by our own tumbling walls

Beware my friends

the time has come

to answer to our wrongs

cannot carry these things

on the backs of our wings

Unburdoned by the weight of wrongdoing

we must move on

Other experiences await us

and best to face them with a clean slate

a clear mind a pure heart

It is our own individual chance to

leave behind the ladder that we climb

and walk with God

in the presence of Truth.

Look!

Over there!

Under that cupboard crouches darkness and

in that space lurks the beast in your magination.

Look up!

Through that shaft of sunlight angel wings shimmer incandescently,

like a dream tugging at strings in your head

Visions projected onto the canvas of the mind

and the body responds

makes the movie a reality

Behold! A falling star.

What wish has come to you?

Wish to be Real

What is Real?

Is it you or your projection

What are You anyway?

Do you dare use that wish to know who you really are?

Are you prepared to accept the truth?

That you are

the Creator of the created

standing in the light

of Gods' reflection.

the first Word

The stillness is unexpected

it swims

like a bubble

surrounding me and

I burst it with a gasp for air

fragments of quietness

wet the ground

snail tracks

fairy footsteps

silver sparkles

on the grass

and the gasp hums

swims like water

into the surround

causing wakefulness

rousing consciousness

AUM

In the beginning was the word

and the word was with God

and as that word breathed into the cosmos,

a universe was born

and is born again

and again ..

Maker of Life

Unpainted pictures cry out for attention

Unsung songs dream of being heard

Untold poetry whispers through autumn leaves

Open your eyes and arise people!

Wrest the magic from the air and let it live!

You are a Creator, a channeler of Dreams

A maker of Life.

Blessed Tree be Me

Could it Be, that this be Me

This treasure of a Tree

Roots run deep, caress the Earth

Branches high, embrace the Sky